Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
