Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
