So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
