I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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