Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize