I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
