everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
