my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
