And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
