M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love having hate sex.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
