glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
