She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
