Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
