If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
