You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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