Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
