my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize