end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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