i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
