When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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