they need to just BURY HIM!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
