i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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