Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
