And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
