Kiss
Puke
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
