people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
