All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize