brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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