i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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