Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
