So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
