its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
