Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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