question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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