you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
