Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
