I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
