right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
