planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize