I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
