Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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