Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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