Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
