Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
