1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize