Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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