i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
