I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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