So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want her autograph on my taint
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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