i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
