i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Pants are for mortals
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
