I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
