The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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