He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who died my cat blue again?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
