ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
