the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
