girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
