What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i came on her dog
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize