I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
