Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
its liver damage thursday
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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