just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
