listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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