Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
