talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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