wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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