I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
