AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
