is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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