i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
