My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
