Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
