Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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