I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think my nap took me to another dimension
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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