$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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