That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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