We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i came on her dog
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
