i jhust puked up my retainher.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize