She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize