I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
