I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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