This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
