i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
