so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
