Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
