Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
