I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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