YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
