he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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