why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
