I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize