Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
